well, i agreed with the one who said if u care, u will realise others dun care back for u.
and now, right here, trying to be optimistic.
trying to cheer ppl up.
trying hard not to make u angry.
trying hard to help.
trying to do everything for u.
trying to make u stop emo-ing.
trying to go online to pei you even for that tiny bit of time to u.

and u told me, u've got somebody else and dun need me.
i know u meant it as a joke, but it broke my heart.
it really did this time.
and i cannot stand it when ppl apologise when they knew they hurt me.
cos i would just forgive them,
even my heart dun really do so.

and now, for once, and for the first time,
my tear dropped becos of u.
becos of u who said tt.
becos of u who dun really care about me.

i know u care, sometimes.
but i tink im not able to be a listening ear to u .
and im just a friend whom u always play with and laugh with.

but i just wanna make this world somehow better..
to laugh, to joke, and certainly to smile.
but my heart broke terribly this time.
and if i unblock u,
u will start apologising.
and i dun wan it.

dun say sorry.
its not ur fault.
it's mine.
for not trying hard enough.
for being emo.
for being such a crybaby.
becos im weak.

im feeling hurt for some reason.
maybe becos i wasnt tt happy today.
i dunno.
i really dunno.

and now u said ni hai shi ai wo de.
just like the normal times when we said we loved each other as teddies.
but it didnt really matter to me anymore.
cos it isnt real, its just fun.

i dunno anymore.
dun mind me.
im just feeling down.
very down.
just down.

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THAT LADYY

` Luping
` Amethyst (Ame)
` 22

` 6H'06 FTPPS
` 104'07 204'08 302'09 402'10 NYGH
` 11S6A HCJC
` NTU

`ELF, Primadonna, F迷, JM and much more

used to be:
` Audi-addict; IcyWitchy/IcyIceWitchy/
---xAMETHYST / Amethystf
` FAM: TheRetainners; -PlayWithMe- ; xLOVEDOPESSx;


Luping is a lost child that has been seeking for her career direction since the first time someone asked her "What would you like to be when you grow up?", when she was still too tiny to reach the basin in her house. Despite reading books like What Should I Do with My Life: The True Story of People Who Answered the Ultimate Question by Po Bronson, she had been searching like a headless housefly (literally translated from 无头苍蝇) past graduation when she actually probably needed to find a job. Eventually, she found a job and a... direction.

For those who know Luping personally, she loves plushies/soft toys and is prepared to go on war with anyone who gets their hands on her babies. Her babies are personified with voices of hers and her Mummy's, and both of them enjoy framing the babies for things they obviously cannot do. When her Mummy suggested that if one day, the babies actually speak up, “那应该会吓死” (it would probably frighten one to death), she responded that she will instead “开心死” (be happy till death) if xiaofenhong (our cute, hot pink, flat bunny) replies her. That is the extent of her loneliness love for her babies.

And for those who know Luping as Amethyst, she is a rather huge fangirl of the Korean boy band, Super Junior. So much that she learnt (and is still learning - 반가워요!) Korean in hope of understanding what they say without subtitles and avoiding the losses in translation. She has been a fanfic writer for two years and counting, which sparked off her interest in writing and thus, this blog to practise writing so that one day, she might have the courage to apply for a (content) writer position or send in a manuscript to a publisher.

HER PASTY

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