After one day of being hardworking, I gave in entirely today.
Reached home around 3.30pm and I haven't done any work since then.
All the talk and self-conviction that I will work hard for As has seem to become just a lie to myself.

Received my PW certificate and felt the 'ouch' when I got reminded of the damn grade again.
As much as I tell myself it's no big deal, 它似乎会是我人生的污点。因为那是我唯一努力过，却没结果的东西。要怪的话，只能怪我当时没有更努力。它颠覆了我相信的一件事：“没有办不到的，只要努力”。但也许我需要认清的是：“努力不一定会成功，但不努力一定不会成功”。

Every time people seem to come to me for ranting and consolation, and I have become so accustomed to it that I seem to be able to come up with something to try and set their thinking right again.
And sometimes during this process, I mock at myself for trying to console people when I'm not in the right mood to begin with. No matter what, to me, I have no reason to make people feel worse just because I'm feeling so. And often enough, my bad mood has no clear reason behind it.
After realising how much 大道理 I can come up with, I start to think to myself, do I actually believe in them as so? Saying is easy, but taking action is otherwise. I don't seem to fully believe in what I say.
It's like when I do personality tests, I start to wonder if that is my personality or is it someone I perceive myself as/I hope to be?

In the end, it may just be a result of thinking too much.
But sad to say, the only time I can shut my thoughts out is when I'm sleeping. (excluding the times when I realise I'm actually thinking in semi-conscious state/in my dreams)

THAT LADYY

` Luping
` Amethyst (Ame)
` 22

` 6H'06 FTPPS
` 104'07 204'08 302'09 402'10 NYGH
` 11S6A HCJC
` NTU

`ELF, Primadonna, F迷, JM and much more

used to be:
` Audi-addict; IcyWitchy/IcyIceWitchy/
---xAMETHYST / Amethystf
` FAM: TheRetainners; -PlayWithMe- ; xLOVEDOPESSx;


Luping is a lost child that has been seeking for her career direction since the first time someone asked her "What would you like to be when you grow up?", when she was still too tiny to reach the basin in her house. Despite reading books like What Should I Do with My Life: The True Story of People Who Answered the Ultimate Question by Po Bronson, she had been searching like a headless housefly (literally translated from 无头苍蝇) past graduation when she actually probably needed to find a job. Eventually, she found a job and a... direction.

For those who know Luping personally, she loves plushies/soft toys and is prepared to go on war with anyone who gets their hands on her babies. Her babies are personified with voices of hers and her Mummy's, and both of them enjoy framing the babies for things they obviously cannot do. When her Mummy suggested that if one day, the babies actually speak up, “那应该会吓死” (it would probably frighten one to death), she responded that she will instead “开心死” (be happy till death) if xiaofenhong (our cute, hot pink, flat bunny) replies her. That is the extent of her loneliness love for her babies.

And for those who know Luping as Amethyst, she is a rather huge fangirl of the Korean boy band, Super Junior. So much that she learnt (and is still learning - 반가워요!) Korean in hope of understanding what they say without subtitles and avoiding the losses in translation. She has been a fanfic writer for two years and counting, which sparked off her interest in writing and thus, this blog to practise writing so that one day, she might have the courage to apply for a (content) writer position or send in a manuscript to a publisher.

HER PASTY

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