Sitting on the hotel bed after applying a mask and listening to sj music and typing this in the last 20 minutes before my birthday in KST. Well, I'm in Korea after all.
And so, 20 years flew by just like that. And I'm no longer going to be in my 10s. Feels like there's a new burden. More power, more responsibility. With great power comes great responsibility, haha.
So I've been talking about my school life with a new friend in the tour group and she said it sounds exciting. But honestly, I don't think it seems exciting when I look back at it. There's a lot of opportunities I've missed and a lot of things I wished that I could have done then. But like new friend, Kat says, you will always have opportunities in the future too. If we look out enough for them.
But definitely, I don't regret my life so far. In fact, sometimes I think I've been such a lucky girl, with regards to studies and the people I meet..
Spent the last two months of hols doing nothing except reading and writing and occasional dance lessons. (And failed gg deals if that counts) And the more I write, the more I wonder why I'm writing fan fiction. As a type of stress relief? A way to connect to them? A way to show my love? A way... to find a place in the fandom? Idk, and sometimes it's sad to see people tweeting about stuff like 'no matter how much you think you know about your idol, you will never know what they are thinking behind that smile'. But that smile, it's captivating. And somehow, it puts a smile on my face too. Because seeing how they play, how they appreciate and interact with each other, how much they enjoy their work makes me jealous in a way. To have best friends, even brothers, to be beside you and play and work with you always. Like DH said, he thinks he already has more than what he deserves. That's how grateful they are for the life they have now.
I always thought, this idol thing was never a bad thing to begin with. It's what the fan does. I wish I can really turn this to a positive thing and watch them grow closer and stronger than ever, as I grow with them too.
On some nights, I chant a fixed set of praying and there is always this last part on praying that I won't be lazy, won't be afraid and won't hesitate to do the things I need to do and the things I want to do; to find and chase after my dreams and what I want to do bravely. Maybe, I need to start working harder other than praying. Don't keep asking how, but seek for the solution yourself.
And sj will help me achieve. I will work hard like sm does. :) a promise to the me in the 10s and teddy and xiaobudian and eeyore sleeping beside me. Not for anyone else, but for myself.
And so, for the past 20 years, I would like to thank an entire list of people and in no special order or what..
Firstly, Mummy, for your unwavering belief and unconditional support in all my decisions and actions. I don't know how I would live without you.
Daddy, for raising me till now. Sorry that I'm always such an impatient girl, I'll try harder.
Bro, for always being so irritating, but treating me much nicely now. How I wish we can easily talk without having to find topics one day.
All my extended family, my lovely cousins, my grandparents whom I try hard not to forget their faces.
My mentors from Pu Ti temple, I have not much memory of who and what now, but this place and these people were what shaped my religion and my character.
My primary school teachers, they are all wonderful people. Guo laoshi, for all the support and advice and always believing in my abilities. Mdm Sng, for letting me realise on the day of results release what it means to be 知足 and learn how not to dwell on results. Mrs Lee, and more.
6H'06, for all the memories.
Harmoc, basketball.
204'08, 402'10, for all the hard work together. NY teachers, class seniors, angels, mortals.
NYSJAB. Seniors, for all the teachings. Lovely juniors. Teacher-in-charges. Zone 5, officers, Bravo '08, Brilliance '09, NCO course friends.
Squadmates <3. Doro, for always being there. Lala, for always being my pillar of support and all the random things we do. Leen, everything wouldn't be the same without you. JW, who always think we are very close friends. :P YH, for everything and letting me learn so much.
My 402 family.
Char, because we don't need to do anything but just sit and talk when we are together.
JW, tw buddy, for always cheering me up and trusting me. And shoo shoo, shoo all your non-existent problems away.
Si, my roomie! My one and only roomie! 내 룸메이트! I always thought 'roommate' means something different from just being a friend. It holds a special meaning. Thank you for everything and listening to me rant and fangirl.
A, we've gotten to know so much about each other the past year. Sometimes I wish I can help you more. Stay strong, and happy.
Jin, 相依为命的! Sometimes I wonder whether you're really as carefree as we see from the outside, but I really do hope you are. Stay cheerful, and I hope you find your dream. :)
Hiu, silly girl who is overly stubborn on her love troubles. Smile, because you deserve to. :)
Yun! 长长久久eh! ;)
Pei! Distant friend, faster 归队!
YJ, XY, Pau, Rie, ...402.
JC. Orientation Group 1. 11S6A.
HCHARMOC. Teachers.
LX, girl who seems lost. I hope you find what you're looking for. Thank you.. for reaching out to me.
YC, you do realize I tell you way too much stuff right? Sometimes I wish I can be a better friend. Hope you get into the uni you want.
Rach, bubbly girl who always make me feel included. I hope you get into your music course.
S, M, HC, CH, YR, SG, for allowing me to realise things from you all.
All of 11S6A.
Mr Ng, for pointing directions for me. Ms Goh, for all the support and help. Ms Tan, for all the help.
LT, for being one of the best things I've gotten from cca. :)
CBTL colleagues.
Uni.. monsters8. Module group mates.
JW, KL, LL, LQ, Y, SH.... really glad to have met you all.
RSPHI, HI WORLD, friends I made.
Enactus + GG, for letting me learn much. And nice people I've met.
TGYC staff and participants.
SK, for being such a wonderful senior. I hope your career path will be smooth. :)
Gen, there's no other person that hit off that well with me right from the start.
PY darling, LT, all my online friends...
This tour group, Kat.
Xfh, minnie, tianshi, eeyores, wawa, xingxing, tigger, mianyang, xbd, teddy, all my babies... for being there.
LPF, SJ오빠들, ELF, all the people who deserve support..
Everyone else that passed by in my life, regardless of whether you stayed.
I hope I remembered most, not that many would read this post.
So sleepy now. It's 12.37am KST, 11.37PM in Singapore and I won't last till 12am in Singapore. Thus.. happy birthday lp... make it count. Make it different.
감사합니다. 사랑합니다. 죄송합니다. 용서해주세요.
//24th June in Korea already.. thank you for everything :)