.Wednesday, July 30, 2014 ' 12:39 AM Y
& I'm waiting
Human
It's been a month since I last updated my blog. The last I remembered, I updated my fics more than my blog and social media accounts this entire month.
And so, Sound of Music was a great musical, but I found myself so distracted about things that I couldn't put myself fully into it. The melancholy started about one week after the trip from Korea. That week, I was starting to get bored and dived into writing the emotional chapters. A week later, I found myself crying at every sad television scene and pulling myself into the theatres to watch The Fault In Our Stars so that I could cry. I did and I almost wanted to cry out loud, but Mummy seemed so worried I downed half a huge cup of iced lemon tea despite the cold to stop my crying. After the movie, I felt void. I had no idea why I cried. And it continued till a week later. Until I went out with my harmoc section and seemed to laugh off the portion that I've missed for the past weeks.
The past week, I was plain... distracted. Didn't know what I was doing except constantly checking twitter, reading fics and writing more fics. And then realising I'm two weeks away from school.
And then meeting with people these few days, always talking about life, future, love, work, people, problems. And someone asking me whether I have depression, hah.
Why do I have to be born with ideals but yet lazy. My mind is everywhere in things, but I don't put in the work and effort to achieve things. It won't work out by just having a heart in it.
Sometimes, I wished I wasn't as human. Without these emotions and the feelings towards people, maybe... everything would be easier.
Where's the balance between people and work?
And where's the line between and dreams and reality?
Because I always wanted to stick to dreaming. Till now, I hope I still dream. But I find myself breaking the wings of my dreams myself. I'm losing it... the ability to dream.
Reality is crashing on me.