.Tuesday, September 23, 2014 ' 1:39 AM Y
& I'm waiting
Tired... and I can't seem to do well for school and screwing up my presentations.
Distracted by everything else, when I should have spent the time doing work.
은혁 SS6 솔로 랩
팔다리 묶인 채 비명을 토해내
진실은 숨긴 채 차가운 거짓말도 익숙해
소름끼치는 미소로 일관해
착한척 코스프레 뭘 더이상 말하고 싶지않아 숙이고 침묵해
모두가 죽었던가 쓰레기말고 거짓이 되라는 말을 듣는
나도 어차피 가식
한결같던 꿈까지 다 망가트리고선 무슨 초심 변한건
니들이면서 도대체 나한테 뭘 더 바라는지
의식, 침묵에 지고 진흙에 꽃이 피고
어둠에 불을 켜고 걷고있어 어깬 펴고 절대 지지않아 더
밀어 봐라 여긴 미로아냐 mirror 더러운 손들을 치워
니 마지막 자리는 키보드위 내 등뒤엔 날믿는 친구들이
평생을 그렇게 살아봐 처절한 핑계는 아무도 관심없지
뭘 그리 뚫어져라 쳐다봐 불쌍해! 그런다고 여기서 내가 나가나봐
거기 숨어서 계속해서 미친듯이 짖어봐! 내 길을 걸을테니 꽁무니나 따라와라
어디까지 가는지나 두눈으로 똑똑히봐
팔다리 묶인채 비명을 토해내 진실은 숨긴채 차가운
거짓말도 익숙해...
.Wednesday, September 3, 2014 ' 10:16 PM Y
& I'm waiting
Life; Death.
With life comes death.
Woke up to sad news this morning - Ladies Code was involved in a car accident and one of their members passed away, while two other sustained serious injuries. It wasn't because they are celebrities that we should pray for them, but because they are humans. It must hurt so much for the members to know their dearest friend passed away, especially so for the two after regaining consciousness - one, whose birthday is today; and the other, who went through hours of major operations.
Although I know nothing and simply know of the existence of their group, the matter was on my mind the entire day. This was especially so when K tweeted - his starting line of 'this doesn't feel like another person's matter/I can relate' struck me. I wasn't a fan when their accident happened and he almost lost his life, but hearing from other fans, it must have been a terrifying matter. Definitely.
Life seems to enjoy proving its fragility, or maybe, it's just that the media forever reports the negative, leaving out the positives in our lives. Those little stories of how people fought for their lives... mainly go unnoticed.
Two things that friends said struck me recently.
1) My friends always talk about how I will go sugar/caffeine-high and laugh crazily/act crazily. Nowadays, I deny it. I said it won't happen so easily again.
Once, I gave a passing, half-kidding remark that 'I'm jaded by life' when someone ask why. And one of my best friends said, 'Yes, I really think she's jaded by life'.
2) People have been commenting on how negative I am recently, and I can't help noticing it myself. Always seeing the dark side of things, lacking confidence, lacking trust.
Am I really jaded by life? Hah, maybe I really am depressed.
And so, witnessing such fragility of life should have pushed me to cherish every moment and work harder, but there's this conflicting idea in my head.
If I only have those few moments left, shouldn't I just enjoy myself and do whatever I want?
My mum always say (and do) that why make yourself so unhappy in life? If you don't want to do it, don't do it. Somehow, either I inherited this from her, or her personality rubbed off me.
But how do you achieve in life without a little discipline when you lack motivation?
Came across this documentary film named 'The Act of Killing'. Read up on the hypnosis, watched the first few seconds of the trailer, but I have no courage to watch the film. It's intriguing, but it scares me. And there's this comment left on the youtube trailer about how killing is nothing; we should let god determine the number of lives left on Earth. Something along those lines of 'it's fate'. Religious principles aside, it makes sense if you believe in fate. But does that mean that we should embrace such an 'activity' and stop praying for bad things to not happen?
At the very least, praying gives hope. So please, I pray for the health and good of everyone.
Rest in peace, EunB. And please let the other members, staff, family and all involved be strong and get well soon.
S left a message and the last part says "Work hard everyday. And think of us when you do."
It shall be motivation for tonight.
Today was mellow; may tomorrow be better.
감사합니다. 사랑합니다. 죄송합니다. 용서해주세요.
기도합니다.