.Friday, July 10, 2015 ' 11:03 PM Y
& I'm waiting
3 years is too short
So... I missed my birthday month.
I wanted to post on the night of my birthday as a record, but it didn't work out because two of my cousins turned up at my house at 10plus, when I was still at Holland V with friends. 21st was really an unforgettable one, having celebrated with Siok, Jan, Gen early; Mummy on Sun; squadmates on Mon; my colleagues during Tues lunch; 402 'family' on Tues dinner; cousins after dinner; and eventually with atyp during chalet.
It was a really eventful week that wore me out by the weekend after chalet, but worth it with all the love I received. :3 And of course, I think one of the things that made me happy these few weeks was getting to know a crazy bunch of angels/demons fellow elfs, who wrote a fanfic between me and James.... the line character, who is essentially a... sticker.
Right. Still, much love. :3
And so, happy things over, 3 years is too short, really too short for my university.
Because of the MERS situation in Korea, I had a really long debate with myself and my friends over our exchange semester. And in the end, for the 安心 (?) of our parents, we decided to cancel it. Cancellation is a pain, especially since my travel grant has arrived nicely in my bank account. Sigh. To think of it, every time I wanted something badly, I always don't seem to get it?
Is that why I always give up so easily?
Say, I can always have another chance to go 'live' in Korea yes, but I seem to see this opportunity as the only time... maybe because it would be the one to boost my resume? I really don't know. The thought of getting a scholarship for masters seems quite impossible, especially if I'm trying to apply to a korean university... But if I work hard and brush up my results, it would be possible, right?
And then the problem comes back to the degree I'm currently doing... It's just.. not my forte.
I can score A+ for my electives, but when it comes to my cores, I really dunno how. Even if I did work hard, the best it goes is like A-? I really dunno what to think about it anymore.
And because I find myself rather uninterested in these, all those competitions seem so... unappealing and burdensome for me in a way. Even if I do wanna try, where do I find the people to do it with me? Sometimes, I'm so socially awkward that I just wanna hide at home and face my computer. I guess that's why I find online friends such a relief... You can talk to them without worrying how they did view you and whether they wanna hurt you or if have any motives. It's simple.
Then that day when we had family lunch (like the entire family for once with my grandpa, aunts, uncles and cousins on my paternal side), one of them said that I had the most potential there to do something big... and was all praises for me. Right then, I wondered how it would be to make my dad that proud to be something reputable. Perhaps if I did Bio/Physics in JC so that I could choose a med course, becoming a doctor would be something my dad would be really proud of, right? But I didn't.
Then my dad thought that I chose a finance course, only to find that I was doing marketing when he asked about my internship. Again, another disappointment for him in a way, right? And he said that sometimes, we just need to do a job we don't like to live our lives.
But I don't like that thought. I yearn to be a dreamer... though I'm not.
I seem to forever bow down to reality.
When will the day when I truly choose my dreams over reality come?
And when will the day when I truly know what I want and what my dreams are come?
Maybe this would be an endless road of searching.